Tired of cheating ass hoes.

I just want to live..but my life makes me want to die.

God..I didn't sign up for this..

I've tried everything within my power, my heart is drained..i've lost my soul..there is only flesh and bone left..emotion had became a stranger, I no longer feel it. I will continue to smile..but it isn't real. Love has finally ruined my life..for the second time..I no longer fear it..there wont be another attempt...because i tend to fall in love with cold hearts...so cold that it freezes mines




and shatters it.

I just killed myself

I said words that I didnt mean, I said things I would never say..but that's the only way..I want you to hate me. Because I am still in love with you.


One day..one day.

What is it?

People always tend to ask..what is love? Is that even an appropriate question to ask?

Love...the meaning is indefinite because love can only be expressed and defined to the person you love, if you were to explain to others, you would just get stuck and have no answer to what love really is. Because love goes beyond words, only the person you share this very emotion can understand this unspeakable feeling. Sometimes, its as simple as looking into each other's eyes, and you will feel the existence of love.

Love is a powerful word because it influences every single emotions that a human being can possibly have.

Every time I push these headphones into my ears, I feel like I am back at one. I am pouring, I am choking, I can't breathe..every single song, every single chorus, every single line from the CD you have given me. Forgive me, this is not that easy.

Just When You Thought...

I use to laugh at life, because I didn't think anything would ever make me feel this way, I thought whatever doesn't kill you..only makes you stronger. I can no longer laugh, I am not strong enough.

Life..I wonder..

Needing

I need to ride..ride away my problems. Be free, free from this pressure. I want to leave. Leave this world behind.



Wish life was simple.

On my own again.

They say "you don't know what you got 'til you lose it". I understand that to the fullest for quite some time now. Today, I loss something, and I knew I was going to lose it from the get go; even though I knew exactly what I had. A lesson that I really learned was: Don't take things for granted when its your hand, because when you let go...you will go down hard. This amplitude of me beliving in fate is overwhelming..because lately, everything just seems like a fictional, unreal, unbelievable story...whateever you want to call it. The catch is, what I felt about it was real. How much I hate October in my life...I hate how all my downfalls happen during Octobers..not to mention 2009 has been one devastating year..so much negative events had happen that I can't even recall what's been good with 2009.


2009 leave me alone..

Don't let me hang dry, you promised.

I want to tell the World...but the World is the very thing that's stopping me.

Obama School Speech

I am sadden that I've missed our President's honorable school speech dedicated to students across the country. Thankfully, there are speech scripts online. You know, people critize how most President speeches are not too promising, but this speech was rather inspiring and his aim was clear..he did not speak in front of the country because he want to give us reassurance that his office is trying hard to improve our education, but rather he aimed to brighten the young minds to succeed individually, and have them come to realizations that you can not rely on others to achieve personal accomplishments..but by individual choices in life..

"These people succeeded because they understand that you can’t let your failures define you – you have to let them teach you. You have to let them show you what to do differently next time. If you get in trouble, that doesn’t mean you’re a troublemaker, it means you need to try harder to behave. If you get a bad grade, that doesn’t mean you’re stupid, it just means you need to spend more time studying" - Barack Obama

Tonite will be Obama's heath care address to Congress, crossing fingers for all the people who are in need.

Photoshooooooot!

The past weekend was really mellow for me, and I definitely enjoyed it..I didnt have to look for much to do because..well just because :)..

Yesterday was a huge day for me though; I did a photoshoot for one of a homie’s (Angelo) car from Stockton. I had a great time, especially they were really good people and most importantly patient! I really do enjoy shooting projects with good people, and how they actually cared about what I was doing and try to work with me. There are times when people just say..”just shoot it for me and make it clean”, I ask why, and they say because you are the photographer. That's just not me, because I don't know your story, how do I capture something so lifeless and dull? I shoot things with meaning or try to at least, so I can tell stories with my photos, and being able to look back to them and know I’ve done something that inspire others and myself, its worth every second of my life.

Despite this photoshoot is for a magazine, what really inspired me was that Angelo, a father, who told me that he was eagar to show his kids, especially his son who survived cancer, what he had dedicated his life to after being injured from an accident that resulted to his disibility. Angelo spend a lot of time, money, and work on the car that he had built from scratch, and I thought this shoot was definitely worthwhile.

Rocking the Disable Armed Forces License plate, I brought the ex-Navy and his buddy to the Alameda Naval Base for the shoot. I thought it would be an ideal location since he was in the Navy, and was also training to be a Navy Seal. The shoot went really well, there's always ups and downs but I have to say I was happy with most of it. Racing against time, we had to leave around 6 to catch the sunset @ Marina SL, it was getting chilly and we had to setup fast to catch the sun before it switches shifts with the moon. It sucked because there were so many people there for Labor Day Weekend, the spot I originally wanted to shoot at was packed with people fishing, watching the sunset, or getting drunk and high. Forturnately, we drove around and found a pretty empty lot and was able to catch a good amount of sunset. Angelo was complaining how it was freezing, but i didn't feel a thing..maybe because stockton is like usually 200 degrees out at that hour. hahahah well I have to go back to work..I love killing time typing :)


This car is right hand drive for god sakes


Special Thanks:
Kenny
Jason
April
& God













Evidently, some artists like to paint with their hands, I like to paint with my eyes.

I sped thru the fastlane, wanting to escape this life..but this life is chasing after me..faster than I thought. I sat in from the sleepless night thru the cold morning, im speechless. "What a life".

you're cute

I used to jokingly tell my mom to hurry up and move in with her boy friend because she's getting old and she be repeating herself way too much hahaha..but now, the joke had became reality and I miss her at times. She tells me she miss me too, and I started to feel really gulity even though I didn't literally kick her out..but my sister and I told her that we need to be independent because we are also getting old.

Lately, I have been seeing and calling my mom a lot and it feels really great to be able to catch up with her. That feeling is like you can almost fill the chills in your body because you are smiling from your heart.

I'd remember the things she use to do that get on my nerves have became a joyful conversation..like today, she called while i was working, and left a message. Then i call her back during break, she asked me if I heard her message and I said "yes", and without regards to my response,she repeat word for word on what she said in the voice mail..i bust out laughing because it was just too funny..it felt like i was listening to my voice mail all over again...after that I remember I would hate it when she does stuff like that, now I think that's pretty cute..and that's why I love her..the love that any sons and daughters share for their mothers.

i'm glad she had accepted the fact that I am going to be leaving here after college, its really a cue that makes me realize I am getting so old, and I am happy and sad at the same time that my mom is finally letting me go.

I'm Feeling Ecstatic!

This Friday man, so juicedddd. Mos Def and Erykah Badu!!



didn't even go
FAILED.

Answers?

Here's a million dollar question that I can't solve. Do you control fate or does it control you?

Sometimes I just wonder if actions proceed by choices, or choices that had been already made for you? If so, what if I change a choice that I am certain about at the last minute?

Recently, I've done something I know I should have not do, but I changed that in the last minute because it felt right..so you tell me..if that's just the way my life is planned for me, or was it something I can control. Fuck

We Look Up And You Look Down.

Can you believe its been a month already Phuoc?...i'm not saying it went by fast, but it was rather slow..because im still in pain and you know that. Dude your house seriously shits on all your neighbors. I miss you man, I know you were looking down when I was looking up. Shine for us.

I need to type something

You know you love somebody when tears just start to fall without notice.

Did you know Phuoc, I love you so much, remember back then when you always grab me and tell me how much you love me...I always thought u were joking cus u say it so much and always thought you just being hella drunk and funny..but i believe it now, because I can jus feel the pain that you are gone, the pain is in my heart. I am so sorry that I discover this love way too late. I try to keep it strong when im out, but its so hard to sit in my room at night trying to figure out how to live the next day again without you. I miss you so much man...i know tears wont bring u back but they just keep falling.

Its on!

Taking my industrial off..forever. Time to grow up