didn't even go
FAILED.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Answers?
Here's a million dollar question that I can't solve. Do you control fate or does it control you?
Sometimes I just wonder if actions proceed by choices, or choices that had been already made for you? If so, what if I change a choice that I am certain about at the last minute?
Recently, I've done something I know I should have not do, but I changed that in the last minute because it felt right..so you tell me..if that's just the way my life is planned for me, or was it something I can control. Fuck
Sometimes I just wonder if actions proceed by choices, or choices that had been already made for you? If so, what if I change a choice that I am certain about at the last minute?
Recently, I've done something I know I should have not do, but I changed that in the last minute because it felt right..so you tell me..if that's just the way my life is planned for me, or was it something I can control. Fuck
Friday, August 28, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
I need to type something
You know you love somebody when tears just start to fall without notice.
Did you know Phuoc, I love you so much, remember back then when you always grab me and tell me how much you love me...I always thought u were joking cus u say it so much and always thought you just being hella drunk and funny..but i believe it now, because I can jus feel the pain that you are gone, the pain is in my heart. I am so sorry that I discover this love way too late. I try to keep it strong when im out, but its so hard to sit in my room at night trying to figure out how to live the next day again without you. I miss you so much man...i know tears wont bring u back but they just keep falling.
Did you know Phuoc, I love you so much, remember back then when you always grab me and tell me how much you love me...I always thought u were joking cus u say it so much and always thought you just being hella drunk and funny..but i believe it now, because I can jus feel the pain that you are gone, the pain is in my heart. I am so sorry that I discover this love way too late. I try to keep it strong when im out, but its so hard to sit in my room at night trying to figure out how to live the next day again without you. I miss you so much man...i know tears wont bring u back but they just keep falling.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Santa Cruz Sunday
Well, it was suppose to be rafting Sunday but apparently someone had drowned at American River, so plans had changed. Santa Cruz didn't have the most ideal weather, especially its summer...climate shift has became more conspicuous than ever. It was actually cold the first 2 hours we were there, but it didn't stop us from jumping in the water and dig for clamps and sand crabs! I found a couple of sand dollars but only a couple came out nice and I gave one to a friend because she couldn't go with mee..so it was like a souvenir. But the highlight of the day was that we caught a 20+ pound of sea bass which fed at least 20 of us vietnamese style later on that night. I had so much fun until the dirty clamps attacked my stomach..im glad i've finally did something different this summer..except drinking and working. I worn my sweater today even though I didn't need it, I just thought maybe Phuoc would come along.
On the other note...the build is very close to being finished:
On the other note...the build is very close to being finished:
I am done and gone from your life, and I would expect the same in return. Life is complicated, but sometimes it can be a simpler equation. Its just how you make it .Maybe one day, it will be understood that things do change, and in the end we just have to accept the fact that the theories withheld in ones heart are just fallacies afterall. I am the product of what life had made me through my falls, and learning how to pick myself back up knowing the next hole on the road would not become a challenge of mine but only an known obstacle I must get over. I have never been so sure about this, now I am, because it had been confirmed..let our lives mutually go on.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
The Darkside Of The World..
Sometimes, it really gives me the chills..its so hard to bare. Why is the World so cold sometimes? I don't know who these kids are, but their life didn't deserve to end so soon..Meet my brother Phuoc when you guys get up there.
Man killed at San Lorenzo house party shooting
Staff Report
Posted: 08/22/2009 05:53:13 PM PDT
An Oakland man was killed and two other people were injured Saturday morning at a San Lorenzo house party, according to the Alameda County Sheriffs Office.
One man, 19, was pronounced dead at the scene, Sgt. J.D. Nelson said. The other two victims were taken to Eden Medical Center in Castro Valley. A 17-year-old boy suffered a gunshot wound to the chest, Nelson said. He remains in serious condition.
The other victim, a 20-year-old man, suffered less serious injuries. He was shot in the hand and has been released from the hospital, authorities said.
No suspects have been arrested. Anyone with information about the shooting, may call the sheriffs office at 510-667-3921 or 510-667-7477.
Anonymous callers may call the tip hot line at 510-667-3622.
http://www.insidebayarea.com/oaklandtribune/localnews/ci_13185579
14-year-old Oakland boy singled out, slain
'His parents are just devastated,' police say after the city's 68th homicide of the year.
By Harry Harris and Cecily Burt
Oakland Tribune
Updated: 08/23/2009 08:58:47 AM PDT
OAKLAND — Ricardo Cortes Jr., 14, loved to draw and spent hours at home creating small works of graffiti mural art. He tinkered with his "Harley-Davidson" mini bike and had even tricked it out with a working stereo and speakers just last week.
He was excited to be starting his sophomore year at Far West High School, and was hoping to get a new phone for his 15th birthday next month.
But Ricardo, a happy-go-lucky teenager who by all accounts stayed out of trouble and got along with everybody, was fatally shot Friday night as he walked with his friends.
The gunman singled him out from others in the group, police said, adding that they don't know why the killer targeted Ricardo.
"He just walked up to him and shot him," homicide Sgt. Sean Fleming said Saturday. "It's terrible. He was just a young child hanging out with his friends."
The shooting happened about 8:45 p.m. Friday in the 1700 block of 47th Avenue — not far from where Ricardo, an only child, lived with his parents.
Ricardo was pronounced dead at 9:25 p.m. in Highland Hospital. No one else was injured.
"I spent a lot of time working with him (to mount) those speakers," said Ricardo Cortes Sr., wiping away tears as he adjusted the volume on the battery-powered stereo mounted on the minibike frame.
The father showed visitors the sturdy, felt-covered carrying case he had built to hold his son's growing collection of paints, pens and art supplies,
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and pulled out page after page of drawings Ricardo had made.
"He was so happy," the father said, his voice cracking.
Fabiana Alvarez, Ricardo's mother, cried as she showed dozens of photos of her son taken throughout his short life — at school, at a friend's Quinceanera, at Disneyland, and even at the laundromat with his parents. He was smiling in every one.
"He was funny. He had an outgoing personality and he was happy all the time," said his cousin, Diego Cortes, 16. "Nobody could be sad around him. He would say, 'Cheer up.'"
Fleming said police were told that Ricardo was a good, popular kid who never gave his parents any problems. He was about to start his second year at Far West School, a small school in North Oakland that combines college prep with a focus on the arts.
"This is a very senseless killing," Fleming said. "His parents are just devastated."
The killing was Oakland's 68th homicide reported this year. Last year at this time, there had been 89 homicides.
Police and Crime Stoppers are offering as much as $10,000 in reward money for information leading to the killer's arrest. Anyone with information may call police at 510-238-3821 or Crime Stoppers at 510-777-8572 or 510-777-3211
http://www.insidebayarea.com/oaklandtribune/localnews/ci_13184344
Man killed at San Lorenzo house party shooting
Staff Report
Posted: 08/22/2009 05:53:13 PM PDT
An Oakland man was killed and two other people were injured Saturday morning at a San Lorenzo house party, according to the Alameda County Sheriffs Office.
One man, 19, was pronounced dead at the scene, Sgt. J.D. Nelson said. The other two victims were taken to Eden Medical Center in Castro Valley. A 17-year-old boy suffered a gunshot wound to the chest, Nelson said. He remains in serious condition.
The other victim, a 20-year-old man, suffered less serious injuries. He was shot in the hand and has been released from the hospital, authorities said.
No suspects have been arrested. Anyone with information about the shooting, may call the sheriffs office at 510-667-3921 or 510-667-7477.
Anonymous callers may call the tip hot line at 510-667-3622.
http://www.insidebayarea.com/oaklandtribune/localnews/ci_13185579
14-year-old Oakland boy singled out, slain
'His parents are just devastated,' police say after the city's 68th homicide of the year.
By Harry Harris and Cecily Burt
Oakland Tribune
Updated: 08/23/2009 08:58:47 AM PDT
OAKLAND — Ricardo Cortes Jr., 14, loved to draw and spent hours at home creating small works of graffiti mural art. He tinkered with his "Harley-Davidson" mini bike and had even tricked it out with a working stereo and speakers just last week.
He was excited to be starting his sophomore year at Far West High School, and was hoping to get a new phone for his 15th birthday next month.
But Ricardo, a happy-go-lucky teenager who by all accounts stayed out of trouble and got along with everybody, was fatally shot Friday night as he walked with his friends.
The gunman singled him out from others in the group, police said, adding that they don't know why the killer targeted Ricardo.
"He just walked up to him and shot him," homicide Sgt. Sean Fleming said Saturday. "It's terrible. He was just a young child hanging out with his friends."
The shooting happened about 8:45 p.m. Friday in the 1700 block of 47th Avenue — not far from where Ricardo, an only child, lived with his parents.
Ricardo was pronounced dead at 9:25 p.m. in Highland Hospital. No one else was injured.
"I spent a lot of time working with him (to mount) those speakers," said Ricardo Cortes Sr., wiping away tears as he adjusted the volume on the battery-powered stereo mounted on the minibike frame.
The father showed visitors the sturdy, felt-covered carrying case he had built to hold his son's growing collection of paints, pens and art supplies,
Advertisement
Quantcast
and pulled out page after page of drawings Ricardo had made.
"He was so happy," the father said, his voice cracking.
Fabiana Alvarez, Ricardo's mother, cried as she showed dozens of photos of her son taken throughout his short life — at school, at a friend's Quinceanera, at Disneyland, and even at the laundromat with his parents. He was smiling in every one.
"He was funny. He had an outgoing personality and he was happy all the time," said his cousin, Diego Cortes, 16. "Nobody could be sad around him. He would say, 'Cheer up.'"
Fleming said police were told that Ricardo was a good, popular kid who never gave his parents any problems. He was about to start his second year at Far West School, a small school in North Oakland that combines college prep with a focus on the arts.
"This is a very senseless killing," Fleming said. "His parents are just devastated."
The killing was Oakland's 68th homicide reported this year. Last year at this time, there had been 89 homicides.
Police and Crime Stoppers are offering as much as $10,000 in reward money for information leading to the killer's arrest. Anyone with information may call police at 510-238-3821 or Crime Stoppers at 510-777-8572 or 510-777-3211
http://www.insidebayarea.com/oaklandtribune/localnews/ci_13184344
Friday, August 21, 2009
Life Goes On...But Memories Remain
I blogged these on flickr, and thought I would jogged this down on the blog because this is truly how I feel that it took me a long time to put into words, and I would love to read this again 5..10..20 years later.
-It should never be this way. Mother mourns for her sons death is by far the hardest thing I have to witness. Phuocs mother was a very inspiring and strong woman. With God giving her the hardest obstacle of her life, she had kept it strong and never fell. She had accepted what happened, and all she wants her son is to live a better life, free of suffering. Every drop of her tears sadden us all, and each word she spoke to Phuoc's resting body brought us tears..
The curiosity of whats going through the mother's mind while she stares at Phuoc's portrait was much more difficult to bare than accepting Phuoc had left us..-
-To me, you're not near dead..you are living the eternal life that everyone dream for. Rest In Paradise Phuoc, I love you so very much. Just know your Memory Lane doesn't stop here, your family, friends, brothers, sisters, and homies will walk the rest of it for you.-
-It should never be this way. Mother mourns for her sons death is by far the hardest thing I have to witness. Phuocs mother was a very inspiring and strong woman. With God giving her the hardest obstacle of her life, she had kept it strong and never fell. She had accepted what happened, and all she wants her son is to live a better life, free of suffering. Every drop of her tears sadden us all, and each word she spoke to Phuoc's resting body brought us tears..
The curiosity of whats going through the mother's mind while she stares at Phuoc's portrait was much more difficult to bare than accepting Phuoc had left us..-
-To me, you're not near dead..you are living the eternal life that everyone dream for. Rest In Paradise Phuoc, I love you so very much. Just know your Memory Lane doesn't stop here, your family, friends, brothers, sisters, and homies will walk the rest of it for you.-
Life
I come up with the randomest shit sometimes..I was flossing my teeth while talking to my friends erika and april's drunk asses on the phone, then this quote just popped up on my head..I think it makes a lot of sense!
Life is like tetris, if you make the right decisions, things will fall into the right place.
I don't even know why tetris came to my mind..but I thought this would definitely brighten someones day.
Life is like tetris, if you make the right decisions, things will fall into the right place.
I don't even know why tetris came to my mind..but I thought this would definitely brighten someones day.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Random Thoughts.
I remember through out high school and early college, I used to actually care about how people would look at me when I am going out or even going to school. Lately, I have been so very busy with a full time job, my internships, looking into the military, photography, and with my recent loss of a best friend had gotten me to a point that I almost forgot what i wore the day before or even do not care how I look when I go out. It got me kind of thinking that I don't have the time to fix myself up to present to people that I shouldn't care what they think of me, whats the point? I have better things to do. Yeah, you dress to impress, but im not tryna impress no body except making myself acceptably presentable while im working, or maybe a dress code requirement for places I go to. I wear the same pair of shoes almost every time I go out now, I don't care about having 40 pair of shoes or 20 hats anymore. I see most of my shirts on my cabinet are getting dusty bc I haven't wore a lot of em for awhile. I haven't went shopping for like the past 6 months, I have like 4 pairs of jeans on rotation and I've sold 90% my shoes...I think there's a part of me that is eager to grow and it is making progress. Slowly, I am leaving this materialism behind me, I am very glad.
On the side note: I still care about my hair because is part of my body..hypocritical? hmmm
On the side note: I still care about my hair because is part of my body..hypocritical? hmmm
Request: Relieve
Need to go back to the range and shoot something..gun + bullets = best stress relieve.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Blogging around
I was blogging in my flickr..when I was finally done, I realize I should have blogged in here instead because black background is nicer with pictures...o well.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/r_rated/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/r_rated/
Monday, August 17, 2009
123
Boyz II Men is in town this Friday..San Mateo County Fair! I've never seen em perform live. Imma be working there so I will be in the front row hopefully :)
Hella birthday over the weekend, had mud butt this morning from too much beer
Hella birthday over the weekend, had mud butt this morning from too much beer
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Wishes
So the meteor shower is tomorrow.. how many wishes can we make?! Or how many of the wishes will actually come true? What if I only have 1 wish for all the shooting stars I will see? Would it be worth it? hmmmm i hate myths..so believable..
Friday, August 7, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Long story short. On monday night, I kicked it wit my homgrl while burning phuoc's album for all the friends and families at the funeral the next day. she told me the reason why she was in town was because she had to drive one of her girlfriend to see some body in san leandro..so I was like oo interesting..I asked if her bf lives over in San Leandro or something? My friend told me nooo..her boy friend is at home, she came to see someone else behind his back..i was like whoaaa...then her friend texts my homgrl telling her they are just "watchin a movie"..the story was getting better and better..it was like an instant replay for me. And they were so busy that they didn't even finish the movie..I guess guys these days suffer just as much as girls..because girls are capable to stab your back and twist the blade just as much as guys can to girls. The only difference is that girls are more comfortable to admit their guilt and say sorry to u like they didn't do nothing wrong after they apologize. Guys just hard to admit guilt when they cheat. God damn!
Monday, August 3, 2009
Gooood Morning
I woke up before my alarm today at 4:40 AM, I wasn’t sure why but there was no doubt I was in a bad mood..so I laid in bed for about 20 minutes trying to visualize what the hell woke me up before I got up at 5 for work. I knew it was something very unusal and it must have extremely disturbed my mental state, considering I slept at 1 AM.
I started to recall I was actually dreaming before I woke up, but it was so clear that I felt like I was living the dream. It was the 2 and only people I hate in my life composed into one dream…haha how ironic. And I remember I threw one of those big high school garbage bin at one of them fuckers..but I think I missed…damn it. Nonetheless, My mood was consciously feeling better after I realized I was finally granted the chance to do something about the people I hate in life. In the real world, I live in this agony to hold my anger in because I just can't get in trouble with my life anymore..and I ask myself sometimes: "Would it be worth it if I ruin my own life for the people I hate?". I guess the dream actually helped me relieve some of the anger that had been lived inside me for the past year. Karma will eventually find you.
I started to recall I was actually dreaming before I woke up, but it was so clear that I felt like I was living the dream. It was the 2 and only people I hate in my life composed into one dream…haha how ironic. And I remember I threw one of those big high school garbage bin at one of them fuckers..but I think I missed…damn it. Nonetheless, My mood was consciously feeling better after I realized I was finally granted the chance to do something about the people I hate in life. In the real world, I live in this agony to hold my anger in because I just can't get in trouble with my life anymore..and I ask myself sometimes: "Would it be worth it if I ruin my own life for the people I hate?". I guess the dream actually helped me relieve some of the anger that had been lived inside me for the past year. Karma will eventually find you.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Thanks.
After the viewing today, I was at Phuoc's house with all the folks and families. When I was about to leave, I went to Phuoc's altar to burn some incenses like I always do..right when I said bye outloud looking down, his picture blew up by the wind right into my eyes..i knew it was him.. i love you nigga and I hope you liked the slide show..took me 5 hours to make it ass hole
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