Tired of cheating ass hoes.

I just want to live..but my life makes me want to die.

God..I didn't sign up for this..

I've tried everything within my power, my heart is drained..i've lost my soul..there is only flesh and bone left..emotion had became a stranger, I no longer feel it. I will continue to smile..but it isn't real. Love has finally ruined my life..for the second time..I no longer fear it..there wont be another attempt...because i tend to fall in love with cold hearts...so cold that it freezes mines




and shatters it.

I just killed myself

I said words that I didnt mean, I said things I would never say..but that's the only way..I want you to hate me. Because I am still in love with you.


One day..one day.

What is it?

People always tend to ask..what is love? Is that even an appropriate question to ask?

Love...the meaning is indefinite because love can only be expressed and defined to the person you love, if you were to explain to others, you would just get stuck and have no answer to what love really is. Because love goes beyond words, only the person you share this very emotion can understand this unspeakable feeling. Sometimes, its as simple as looking into each other's eyes, and you will feel the existence of love.

Love is a powerful word because it influences every single emotions that a human being can possibly have.

Every time I push these headphones into my ears, I feel like I am back at one. I am pouring, I am choking, I can't breathe..every single song, every single chorus, every single line from the CD you have given me. Forgive me, this is not that easy.

Just When You Thought...

I use to laugh at life, because I didn't think anything would ever make me feel this way, I thought whatever doesn't kill you..only makes you stronger. I can no longer laugh, I am not strong enough.

Life..I wonder..

Needing

I need to ride..ride away my problems. Be free, free from this pressure. I want to leave. Leave this world behind.



Wish life was simple.

On my own again.

They say "you don't know what you got 'til you lose it". I understand that to the fullest for quite some time now. Today, I loss something, and I knew I was going to lose it from the get go; even though I knew exactly what I had. A lesson that I really learned was: Don't take things for granted when its your hand, because when you let go...you will go down hard. This amplitude of me beliving in fate is overwhelming..because lately, everything just seems like a fictional, unreal, unbelievable story...whateever you want to call it. The catch is, what I felt about it was real. How much I hate October in my life...I hate how all my downfalls happen during Octobers..not to mention 2009 has been one devastating year..so much negative events had happen that I can't even recall what's been good with 2009.


2009 leave me alone..

Don't let me hang dry, you promised.

I want to tell the World...but the World is the very thing that's stopping me.

Obama School Speech

I am sadden that I've missed our President's honorable school speech dedicated to students across the country. Thankfully, there are speech scripts online. You know, people critize how most President speeches are not too promising, but this speech was rather inspiring and his aim was clear..he did not speak in front of the country because he want to give us reassurance that his office is trying hard to improve our education, but rather he aimed to brighten the young minds to succeed individually, and have them come to realizations that you can not rely on others to achieve personal accomplishments..but by individual choices in life..

"These people succeeded because they understand that you can’t let your failures define you – you have to let them teach you. You have to let them show you what to do differently next time. If you get in trouble, that doesn’t mean you’re a troublemaker, it means you need to try harder to behave. If you get a bad grade, that doesn’t mean you’re stupid, it just means you need to spend more time studying" - Barack Obama

Tonite will be Obama's heath care address to Congress, crossing fingers for all the people who are in need.

Photoshooooooot!

The past weekend was really mellow for me, and I definitely enjoyed it..I didnt have to look for much to do because..well just because :)..

Yesterday was a huge day for me though; I did a photoshoot for one of a homie’s (Angelo) car from Stockton. I had a great time, especially they were really good people and most importantly patient! I really do enjoy shooting projects with good people, and how they actually cared about what I was doing and try to work with me. There are times when people just say..”just shoot it for me and make it clean”, I ask why, and they say because you are the photographer. That's just not me, because I don't know your story, how do I capture something so lifeless and dull? I shoot things with meaning or try to at least, so I can tell stories with my photos, and being able to look back to them and know I’ve done something that inspire others and myself, its worth every second of my life.

Despite this photoshoot is for a magazine, what really inspired me was that Angelo, a father, who told me that he was eagar to show his kids, especially his son who survived cancer, what he had dedicated his life to after being injured from an accident that resulted to his disibility. Angelo spend a lot of time, money, and work on the car that he had built from scratch, and I thought this shoot was definitely worthwhile.

Rocking the Disable Armed Forces License plate, I brought the ex-Navy and his buddy to the Alameda Naval Base for the shoot. I thought it would be an ideal location since he was in the Navy, and was also training to be a Navy Seal. The shoot went really well, there's always ups and downs but I have to say I was happy with most of it. Racing against time, we had to leave around 6 to catch the sunset @ Marina SL, it was getting chilly and we had to setup fast to catch the sun before it switches shifts with the moon. It sucked because there were so many people there for Labor Day Weekend, the spot I originally wanted to shoot at was packed with people fishing, watching the sunset, or getting drunk and high. Forturnately, we drove around and found a pretty empty lot and was able to catch a good amount of sunset. Angelo was complaining how it was freezing, but i didn't feel a thing..maybe because stockton is like usually 200 degrees out at that hour. hahahah well I have to go back to work..I love killing time typing :)


This car is right hand drive for god sakes


Special Thanks:
Kenny
Jason
April
& God













Evidently, some artists like to paint with their hands, I like to paint with my eyes.

I sped thru the fastlane, wanting to escape this life..but this life is chasing after me..faster than I thought. I sat in from the sleepless night thru the cold morning, im speechless. "What a life".

you're cute

I used to jokingly tell my mom to hurry up and move in with her boy friend because she's getting old and she be repeating herself way too much hahaha..but now, the joke had became reality and I miss her at times. She tells me she miss me too, and I started to feel really gulity even though I didn't literally kick her out..but my sister and I told her that we need to be independent because we are also getting old.

Lately, I have been seeing and calling my mom a lot and it feels really great to be able to catch up with her. That feeling is like you can almost fill the chills in your body because you are smiling from your heart.

I'd remember the things she use to do that get on my nerves have became a joyful conversation..like today, she called while i was working, and left a message. Then i call her back during break, she asked me if I heard her message and I said "yes", and without regards to my response,she repeat word for word on what she said in the voice mail..i bust out laughing because it was just too funny..it felt like i was listening to my voice mail all over again...after that I remember I would hate it when she does stuff like that, now I think that's pretty cute..and that's why I love her..the love that any sons and daughters share for their mothers.

i'm glad she had accepted the fact that I am going to be leaving here after college, its really a cue that makes me realize I am getting so old, and I am happy and sad at the same time that my mom is finally letting me go.

I'm Feeling Ecstatic!

This Friday man, so juicedddd. Mos Def and Erykah Badu!!



didn't even go
FAILED.

Answers?

Here's a million dollar question that I can't solve. Do you control fate or does it control you?

Sometimes I just wonder if actions proceed by choices, or choices that had been already made for you? If so, what if I change a choice that I am certain about at the last minute?

Recently, I've done something I know I should have not do, but I changed that in the last minute because it felt right..so you tell me..if that's just the way my life is planned for me, or was it something I can control. Fuck

We Look Up And You Look Down.

Can you believe its been a month already Phuoc?...i'm not saying it went by fast, but it was rather slow..because im still in pain and you know that. Dude your house seriously shits on all your neighbors. I miss you man, I know you were looking down when I was looking up. Shine for us.

I need to type something

You know you love somebody when tears just start to fall without notice.

Did you know Phuoc, I love you so much, remember back then when you always grab me and tell me how much you love me...I always thought u were joking cus u say it so much and always thought you just being hella drunk and funny..but i believe it now, because I can jus feel the pain that you are gone, the pain is in my heart. I am so sorry that I discover this love way too late. I try to keep it strong when im out, but its so hard to sit in my room at night trying to figure out how to live the next day again without you. I miss you so much man...i know tears wont bring u back but they just keep falling.

Its on!

Taking my industrial off..forever. Time to grow up

Santa Cruz Sunday

Well, it was suppose to be rafting Sunday but apparently someone had drowned at American River, so plans had changed. Santa Cruz didn't have the most ideal weather, especially its summer...climate shift has became more conspicuous than ever. It was actually cold the first 2 hours we were there, but it didn't stop us from jumping in the water and dig for clamps and sand crabs! I found a couple of sand dollars but only a couple came out nice and I gave one to a friend because she couldn't go with mee..so it was like a souvenir. But the highlight of the day was that we caught a 20+ pound of sea bass which fed at least 20 of us vietnamese style later on that night. I had so much fun until the dirty clamps attacked my stomach..im glad i've finally did something different this summer..except drinking and working. I worn my sweater today even though I didn't need it, I just thought maybe Phuoc would come along.





On the other note...the build is very close to being finished:

I am done and gone from your life, and I would expect the same in return. Life is complicated, but sometimes it can be a simpler equation. Its just how you make it .Maybe one day, it will be understood that things do change, and in the end we just have to accept the fact that the theories withheld in ones heart are just fallacies afterall. I am the product of what life had made me through my falls, and learning how to pick myself back up knowing the next hole on the road would not become a challenge of mine but only an known obstacle I must get over. I have never been so sure about this, now I am, because it had been confirmed..let our lives mutually go on.

I can still see your smile when I close my eyes..i miss you dawg..

The Darkside Of The World..

Sometimes, it really gives me the chills..its so hard to bare. Why is the World so cold sometimes? I don't know who these kids are, but their life didn't deserve to end so soon..Meet my brother Phuoc when you guys get up there.


Man killed at San Lorenzo house party shooting
Staff Report
Posted: 08/22/2009 05:53:13 PM PDT

An Oakland man was killed and two other people were injured Saturday morning at a San Lorenzo house party, according to the Alameda County Sheriffs Office.

One man, 19, was pronounced dead at the scene, Sgt. J.D. Nelson said. The other two victims were taken to Eden Medical Center in Castro Valley. A 17-year-old boy suffered a gunshot wound to the chest, Nelson said. He remains in serious condition.

The other victim, a 20-year-old man, suffered less serious injuries. He was shot in the hand and has been released from the hospital, authorities said.

No suspects have been arrested. Anyone with information about the shooting, may call the sheriffs office at 510-667-3921 or 510-667-7477.

Anonymous callers may call the tip hot line at 510-667-3622.

http://www.insidebayarea.com/oaklandtribune/localnews/ci_13185579



14-year-old Oakland boy singled out, slain
'His parents are just devastated,' police say after the city's 68th homicide of the year.
By Harry Harris and Cecily Burt
Oakland Tribune
Updated: 08/23/2009 08:58:47 AM PDT


OAKLAND — Ricardo Cortes Jr., 14, loved to draw and spent hours at home creating small works of graffiti mural art. He tinkered with his "Harley-Davidson" mini bike and had even tricked it out with a working stereo and speakers just last week.

He was excited to be starting his sophomore year at Far West High School, and was hoping to get a new phone for his 15th birthday next month.

But Ricardo, a happy-go-lucky teenager who by all accounts stayed out of trouble and got along with everybody, was fatally shot Friday night as he walked with his friends.

The gunman singled him out from others in the group, police said, adding that they don't know why the killer targeted Ricardo.

"He just walked up to him and shot him," homicide Sgt. Sean Fleming said Saturday. "It's terrible. He was just a young child hanging out with his friends."

The shooting happened about 8:45 p.m. Friday in the 1700 block of 47th Avenue — not far from where Ricardo, an only child, lived with his parents.

Ricardo was pronounced dead at 9:25 p.m. in Highland Hospital. No one else was injured.

"I spent a lot of time working with him (to mount) those speakers," said Ricardo Cortes Sr., wiping away tears as he adjusted the volume on the battery-powered stereo mounted on the minibike frame.

The father showed visitors the sturdy, felt-covered carrying case he had built to hold his son's growing collection of paints, pens and art supplies,
Advertisement
Quantcast
and pulled out page after page of drawings Ricardo had made.

"He was so happy," the father said, his voice cracking.

Fabiana Alvarez, Ricardo's mother, cried as she showed dozens of photos of her son taken throughout his short life — at school, at a friend's Quinceanera, at Disneyland, and even at the laundromat with his parents. He was smiling in every one.

"He was funny. He had an outgoing personality and he was happy all the time," said his cousin, Diego Cortes, 16. "Nobody could be sad around him. He would say, 'Cheer up.'"

Fleming said police were told that Ricardo was a good, popular kid who never gave his parents any problems. He was about to start his second year at Far West School, a small school in North Oakland that combines college prep with a focus on the arts.

"This is a very senseless killing," Fleming said. "His parents are just devastated."

The killing was Oakland's 68th homicide reported this year. Last year at this time, there had been 89 homicides.

Police and Crime Stoppers are offering as much as $10,000 in reward money for information leading to the killer's arrest. Anyone with information may call police at 510-238-3821 or Crime Stoppers at 510-777-8572 or 510-777-3211

http://www.insidebayarea.com/oaklandtribune/localnews/ci_13184344

Life Goes On...But Memories Remain

I blogged these on flickr, and thought I would jogged this down on the blog because this is truly how I feel that it took me a long time to put into words, and I would love to read this again 5..10..20 years later.



-It should never be this way. Mother mourns for her sons death is by far the hardest thing I have to witness. Phuocs mother was a very inspiring and strong woman. With God giving her the hardest obstacle of her life, she had kept it strong and never fell. She had accepted what happened, and all she wants her son is to live a better life, free of suffering. Every drop of her tears sadden us all, and each word she spoke to Phuoc's resting body brought us tears..

The curiosity of whats going through the mother's mind while she stares at Phuoc's portrait was much more difficult to bare than accepting Phuoc had left us..-





-To me, you're not near dead..you are living the eternal life that everyone dream for. Rest In Paradise Phuoc, I love you so very much. Just know your Memory Lane doesn't stop here, your family, friends, brothers, sisters, and homies will walk the rest of it for you.-

Life

I come up with the randomest shit sometimes..I was flossing my teeth while talking to my friends erika and april's drunk asses on the phone, then this quote just popped up on my head..I think it makes a lot of sense!

Life is like tetris, if you make the right decisions, things will fall into the right place.

I don't even know why tetris came to my mind..but I thought this would definitely brighten someones day.

Random Thoughts.

I remember through out high school and early college, I used to actually care about how people would look at me when I am going out or even going to school. Lately, I have been so very busy with a full time job, my internships, looking into the military, photography, and with my recent loss of a best friend had gotten me to a point that I almost forgot what i wore the day before or even do not care how I look when I go out. It got me kind of thinking that I don't have the time to fix myself up to present to people that I shouldn't care what they think of me, whats the point? I have better things to do. Yeah, you dress to impress, but im not tryna impress no body except making myself acceptably presentable while im working, or maybe a dress code requirement for places I go to. I wear the same pair of shoes almost every time I go out now, I don't care about having 40 pair of shoes or 20 hats anymore. I see most of my shirts on my cabinet are getting dusty bc I haven't wore a lot of em for awhile. I haven't went shopping for like the past 6 months, I have like 4 pairs of jeans on rotation and I've sold 90% my shoes...I think there's a part of me that is eager to grow and it is making progress. Slowly, I am leaving this materialism behind me, I am very glad.



On the side note: I still care about my hair because is part of my body..hypocritical? hmmm

Request: Relieve

Need to go back to the range and shoot something..gun + bullets = best stress relieve.

Blogging around

I was blogging in my flickr..when I was finally done, I realize I should have blogged in here instead because black background is nicer with pictures...o well.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/r_rated/

123

Boyz II Men is in town this Friday..San Mateo County Fair! I've never seen em perform live. Imma be working there so I will be in the front row hopefully :)

Hella birthday over the weekend, had mud butt this morning from too much beer

Wishes

So the meteor shower is tomorrow.. how many wishes can we make?! Or how many of the wishes will actually come true? What if I only have 1 wish for all the shooting stars I will see? Would it be worth it? hmmmm i hate myths..so believable..

Lets Go!!

Must go! Last year was goood

Long story short. On monday night, I kicked it wit my homgrl while burning phuoc's album for all the friends and families at the funeral the next day. she told me the reason why she was in town was because she had to drive one of her girlfriend to see some body in san leandro..so I was like oo interesting..I asked if her bf lives over in San Leandro or something? My friend told me nooo..her boy friend is at home, she came to see someone else behind his back..i was like whoaaa...then her friend texts my homgrl telling her they are just "watchin a movie"..the story was getting better and better..it was like an instant replay for me. And they were so busy that they didn't even finish the movie..I guess guys these days suffer just as much as girls..because girls are capable to stab your back and twist the blade just as much as guys can to girls. The only difference is that girls are more comfortable to admit their guilt and say sorry to u like they didn't do nothing wrong after they apologize. Guys just hard to admit guilt when they cheat. God damn!

Gooood Morning

I woke up before my alarm today at 4:40 AM, I wasn’t sure why but there was no doubt I was in a bad mood..so I laid in bed for about 20 minutes trying to visualize what the hell woke me up before I got up at 5 for work. I knew it was something very unusal and it must have extremely disturbed my mental state, considering I slept at 1 AM.

I started to recall I was actually dreaming before I woke up, but it was so clear that I felt like I was living the dream. It was the 2 and only people I hate in my life composed into one dream…haha how ironic. And I remember I threw one of those big high school garbage bin at one of them fuckers..but I think I missed…damn it. Nonetheless, My mood was consciously feeling better after I realized I was finally granted the chance to do something about the people I hate in life. In the real world, I live in this agony to hold my anger in because I just can't get in trouble with my life anymore..and I ask myself sometimes: "Would it be worth it if I ruin my own life for the people I hate?". I guess the dream actually helped me relieve some of the anger that had been lived inside me for the past year. Karma will eventually find you.

Thanks.

After the viewing today, I was at Phuoc's house with all the folks and families. When I was about to leave, I went to Phuoc's altar to burn some incenses like I always do..right when I said bye outloud looking down, his picture blew up by the wind right into my eyes..i knew it was him.. i love you nigga and I hope you liked the slide show..took me 5 hours to make it ass hole

Sorry Phouc..I'll stop crying soon :)

My Dragon Forcast

Yahoo got this new page setup thing, so i was just browsing around at work and came across the chinese horoscope thing, here is what they have to say for year of the dragon:

"When it comes to business, you've got the Midas touch. Everything you undertake today seems to become an instant success. While your career may be stable, beware of entering into risky investments that could compromise your financial security. Take refuge from anxieties you may be experiencing by surrounding yourself with friends. The potential success of a new love relationship is highlighted, but beware. A fling that begins now could be short lived."

90% of this is so true, but 10% isn't, especially the love life (which I don't need right now anyways.)

i wish you were here for me.

Life..I wonder..

Today, I saw how fragile life can be. One day you see him smiling full of energy, and then another you are watching him go. Phouc has been a little brother to me ever since we got close, and this is not going to change. Phouc..if you are reading this..i love you, im not saying good bye because I know I will see you soon..watch over us while u resting in heaven. I miss you so much already nigga..

I blog here not because I want anyone's attention and feedback..if u are reading this and make sense to you, I am talking to you. If not, hope you just learned something new about this blog and me.

Another Day In The Real World.

I am feeling much better, the day off definitely helped me heal and I woke up at 5 AM this morning NO PROBLEMO!

Man oh man, I just finished reading SF Gate and fuck me..some people in this world are just out of their god damn mind, it angers me how some people just don't give a shit about themselves and others:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/07/24/MNC218TN1S.DTL


People like her disgust me.

Motivation

Its been a long july, I have been stressing so much about getting shit together for my bike, it is currently my hope, my joy, my happiness, my sadness, stress, and insomnia. Hopefully I will get it done soon. Rebuilding my own shit is better than not knowing my shit, we be on the road soon :)

Club Hopping

So Saturday was my first time club hopping in sf (21+ of course)..it was interesting..thank god my sergent paid for all my entrance fee :) We took taxi everywhere and even gotten a free cab ride because the driver was koo as fuck..we ended up tipping him 30 dollars and the fare was only 7 bucks. I think the most remarkable things werent the clubs, it was more like..some speeding drunk bitch ran a red light and almost ran my sergent over when we were crossing the street (that was a long sentence), thank god I pulled him out just in time, and that bitch came to a squeeching stop and I screamed WTF with my hands up in HER FACEEE. She looked sorry so I let it go. Then we ate burrito and went home....im sick now..so good night!

They were beautiful

I think I loved the kids more than the birthday girl..no offense haha

Picture Perfect

Man, I had a great time at the Quinceanera yesterday..except the part where I got a stomach ache..but I always get a stomach ache :( The family I worked for was probably one of the most kind and warm hearted, even though not a lot of them speak english, they were nice to me in every way. The party wasn't huge but it was definitely much more traditional than any I have seen. Gotta get the picture done, but I wanna put this picture in the blog because its beautiful:




So there was this young mexican kid that came up to me eyeing my camera, he asked me with his broke english:

"What was your dream when you were a kid? Was it photographer?"

I said, "No, I wanted to be a cop"

Mexican kid smiled "Oh, so you can arrest Mexicans?"

Trapped

This shit feels like prison. Hopefully I will pass the AFOQT next year and get out of here.

Must Go

Berkeley’s Cesar Chavez State Park is probably one of the best trail I ever jogged in. It was a little hidden but when you get there..all you see are kites flying everywhere, big ones too..KOI FISH KITES! I regret not bringing my camera, it was a beautiful Sunday too. The trail is right next to the ocean and you can see all the major bridges while running..and its not windy enough that you can’t breathe. I am definitely going back next Sunday.

LP

"In every loss, in every lie, in every truth that you’d deny
And each regret
and each goodbye
was a mistake too great to hide
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve
So give me reason...
to prove me wrong
to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason to fill this hole connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies
Across this new divide"

Dream On!

I was surprise I got to work at 6 am today, got off 30 minutes early to eat with mark and them at oakland..got food coma, fell asleep at home...I had a really good dream, like I was there but it ended too quick! i woke up unsatisfied...So we finally got our plans down and heading to vegas in august..fuck I'm gonna be hella broke. I mite go vegas again on september before school starts. Man I am stressed out everyday about my cbr..hopefully ill get it together soon.

Waiting At The Microwave...

"My days would be brighter, if it still exists".






Random thoughts while heating up my food.

Random Thoughts at Work

Wonder what went down 2 Winters ago when I was in China.

10 Miles Anybody?

http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-states/ca/berkeley/236860287


This Sunday. Its on

Touched

I don't think any band has ever touched me as much as Linkin Park..and they continue to make great music..great lyrics. Its been like 10 years, I've never stopped listening to em.

Linkin Park - New Divide

"Sometime solutions aren't so simple..sometimes good byes the only way".

I like thisss

thanks to homie gin for taking this..i messed with the color a lil though.

Good Morning, Mr. T Love

Morning “Mr. T Love”

Had about 3 hours of sleep last night, for some reason I couldn’t fall asleep after a tiring workout. But I love waking up early for work, one of the benefits is that traffic is just way too smooth; I can drive 90mph in a steady pace without cutting off too much slow morning traffic. The 20 minute drive to Richmond from San Leandro is just overwhelming and well worth the lack of sleep (kinda).

This morning though, it was a little different. I had to cut off traffic..not because I was running late..but I had to in attempt to save a life. Passing the 14th Ave. exit today, I spotted a newer model Cadillac was zooming right pass me while I was already going between 85mph – 90 mph. This driver didn’t amaze me too much as a speeder, but his license plate was definitely interesting, it reads “MRTLOVE”. Right at that moment, my cloudy morning judgment told my reactions to catch up to this guy and see how “Mr. T Love” looks like..maybe he looks like t-pain? At about 90 – 95mph, I finally matched speed with this Cadillac; it was just a typical black man tipping his head listening to music. Just when I thought it was time to slow it back down, I heard something through my opened windows that was out of the ordinary, something you just don’t recognize on the same freeway you drive everyday…Then the corner of my eye saw one of”Mr. T Love” ‘s tire was completely flat, and he was already riding on his rim…..@ 95 freaking mph. Knowing he can lose control anytime with that type of speed, I tried to signal him by waving and honking. With his loud music and his cocky attitude, “Mr. T Love” thought I was signaling for a race (especially how my car looks), so he sped off, going pass what was already 95 mph. I was thinking “Holy shit, this guy is about to kill himself”. At that very moment, I had 2 options in my head.
A. Catch up and try to stop him from going further or B. Leave him and let him be, or else I will get caught into an accident.

Knowing my dumb ass, plan A was the way to go. I knew there would be complications trying to get next to “Mr. T Love” (who was on the fastest lane) because multiple freeway junctions were approaching (980 to Downtown Oakland, 80 to SF, 80 to Richmond/Vallejo) and people were starting to merge into to different lanes. My only option was to down shift, cutting 4 lanes all the way to the right, then cutting 3 lanes all the way back to the 2nd fastest lane. Dangerous, but I did it. I signaled “Mr. T Love” again and this time, he knew something was wrong. He opened his window and asked me “Wasup?” At that time, his rim was getting ready to spark up some flames. I started doing weird hand signals to get my message across, I point then put my arm across my chest and shifted it left and right..i felt kinda stupid while doing it but “Mr. T Love” finally realized whats happening and he mouthed “thank you”. I smiled and knowing that my decision was indeed not dumb after all, and thank god he didn’t mistaken me for doing a Michael Jackson tribute dance.

“Mr. T Love” would have definitely hurt or killed himself if I chose plan B and ignore what was happening. At the rate of speed (90-100 mph) he was going, it would have only taken him a few more miles to blow out his tire and lose control of his rear end, especially being on the fastest lane on the right, he would more than likely smash into the center divider. I guess the main motivation towards my actions was that I would want someone to tell me if I had a flat, and I would have appreciated it so much. I felt pretty good after seeing him pulling off to the side on my rearview mirror, I felt like I just prevented a life being loss on a beautiful Summer morning.

This is lonnggg..bored at work syndrome

Sigh..

In the end, there's nothing to keep it away. My eyes tell me to look away, my mind tells me to keep looking. Someone save me.














its 8 am..im drunk still.

Fourth of July

Partied too hard last night..didn't leave the spot til 3. I was falling asleep while eating Denny's at 5 am..hahahha. Man, its fourth of july and I have nothing planned. Every event seems like they are only couple worthy, and im single so.......
I do want to go alameda county fair though. HmMMMm maybe I will ask people to go.

Some of the recent stuff I did..model shoots...fashion show blah blah blah:

DUDE THIS IS HOMO TO THE FULLEST

Hang over homo version?

Self Motivation At Its Best

24 hour fitness, exhausting work out, funny small talk, pretending we are not lookin at girls,summer breeze, East 14th, asked myself "Can I do it?", I looked straight, took off, and ran home. That was a good run.

lalala

Man today was a tiring day...went to shoot a small fashion/makeup show, good experience..but its unfortunate that fast pace events really are outside of my interest. So many pictures to review..edit. arghh


I like this picture:


credit goes to photographer Daniel Pham


MARK IS COMING HOME FROM BOOT CAMP YAY

Impact

Today, I saw a dying man in the middle of the street, blood everywhere on the back of his head.

Couldn't Believe It

A young child has returned to God. RIP kid, you were a great dancer, I am honored to have taken a picture of you

Posers

Yeah you are into pop music, yeah you know who Michael Jackson is, but I am tired of people acting all sad cus the King of Pop died because hes the King of Pop..not because you like him. You just acting like you sad cus everyone else is..because the king of pop is dead...get over yourself and stop acting like it matters. Who gives a fuck? when he was still alive how many of you sobbing ass people or correction, you internet sobbing ass people posting shit on your myspace, facebook, and aim profile actually cared about what he was doing when he was still alive. GTFO. I wasn't thinking about jackson yesterday, the day before, or the past 6 months until today because he died. But I don't really give a fuck because he was dead to me anyways cus I don't even care about his life to begin with, and i aint gon act like a lil kid and be sad and put shit on my profile because my other lil kid friends are doing the same shit. Ventilation is best.

Irritated

Sometimes..I just really don't understand how people get their photos published and they look like shit. On top of that, they get pay 4 digits a project..or more. Thank god I am more of a photo enthusiast than trying to make money out of it..or else I would really write a letter to those photographers and tell em to retire early. I am not trippen about how much they make, I just hate how they are being recognize for lack of perspective, lack of mind, lack of art..most definitely lack of skills and it so happens a lot of these fools are on the magazine I subscribe to damn it. GTFO.

A Little Corny..but is ok

Coworker sent me this at work today, I guess is one of those things that are right in front of your face but you will never realize it and ignorant for a life time until someone wise point it out to you. Materialistic can be dangerous :

Used vs. Loved

While a man was polishing his new car, his 4 yr old son picked up a
stone and scratched lines on the side of the car. In anger, the man took
the child's hand and hit it many times; not realizing he was using a
wrench.


At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple
fractures.

When the child saw his father.....with painful eyes he asked, 'Dad when
will my fingers grow back?'

The man was so hurt and speechless; he went back to his car and kicked
it a lot of times. Devastated by his own actions.......sitting in front
of that car he looked at the scratches; the child had written 'LOVE YOU
DAD'.
The next day that man committed suicide. . .. Anger and Love have no
limits; choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely life..... Things
are to be used and people are to be loved, But the problem in today's
world is that, People are used and things are loved...

During the day, be careful to keep this thought in mind: Things are to
be used, but People are to be loved ... Be yourself....This is the only
day we HAVE. Have a nice day Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.

Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits they become
character; Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

I'm glad a friend forwarded this to me as a reminder..
If you don't pass this on to anybody, nothing bad will happen; if you
do,

you will have ministered to someone.


Stay FAITHFUL and Be GRATEFUL





"I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me"

Good Morning, World.

It's 7:36 AM, I just got in about 10 minutes ago. Woke up at 5:20 but rolled around the bed for like a good 45 minutes, I guess I got really tired from last night. But I decided to lag even more, I went to buy mcdonalds for breakfast..yummmm bad calories. I am surprised I got to Richmond in 20 minutes even with the lateness…whatever.

Some thoughts while driving and now:

-I was listening to linkin park- “shadow of the day” during sun rise, if you know the song, you will know why I said that.

-Why do CHP encourage people to report drunk drivers when we can’t talk on our cell phones while operating a motor vehicle? Let say you were driving alone with no passengers, would that be illegal? Then the next question is, who has more of a chance getting into a collision first? The drunk driver? Or the sober driver with the cell phone chasing after the drunk driver and trying to read his license plate at 70 mph? Hmmm?

-Gavin Newsom for next Governor

-There’s an article on S.F. Gate bashing the restaurants that try too hard to dim their lights to set a mood. Bout time someone made this issue publicized. Especially for Cheese Cake Factory at Stoneridge, they need to turn up their lights so I can overlook at the stains and dry water spots that are in every piece of eating utensils. http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/mbauer/detail?entry_id=42140&tsp=1

-I was frustrated for a second when I heard July 4th was on a Saturday..thinking I just lost a free day of pay, but turns out I have no work on July 3rd, and I get full 8 hour pay that day…thumbs up to federal government

-I don’t understand why I can talk well inside my head, but when I open my mouth, gibberish comes out.

Ok time to read news

"Nick, you're awesome"

Made my day at work.

The Weekend

I had tons of fun yesterday just chilling at buddhas house...from playing call of duty to drinking heineken..and from an vacant room to a studio hahahah The shoot I had was a good experience and I was surprised I made one of buddha's empty room into a studio and it actually worked. I just finished editing the pictures(see below)..i know.... its saturday night and im at home. Oh well. I haven't done much the past weekends..fridays and saturdays starting to feel like every other day, except no work. I spent half of the day at Sunnyvale chillin at my homie's shop, watched him fix cars..(including my sisters), and now I'm about just pop in a movie and relax at home with my chips ahoy and milk. Ain't so bad, I rather be at home than drinking and clubbingg. Plus, I try to take it slow on saturdays so I can go to church the next day. Oh that reminded me something that irritated me, my auntie thinks I have been devoting myself to church every weekend because I suppose to secretly have "a girl friend"..is funny how people doubt you cus they think they know who you are, and people don't change..people do change..I use to hate church, I use to hate bible study, I use to think to myself in bed why am I even baptised? Now I pray and thank the lord every night in bed and I go to church by myself every week because there is no better place to be. I felt really disrespected against my religion and my faith when my aunt said that.

My coworker told me on friday that "God is everywhere, you don't have to go to church" hahahha thats half true.